FOUR Relationship Challenges You’ll Face After Becoming Parents

The first years of parenthood are the hardest on relationships. In fact, two-thirds of couples say their relationship suffered during their child’s first three years, and over 40 percent of couples split by the time their first child turned 5.

Those statistics don’t paint a very promising picture, but it’s not all doom and gloom for new parents. If you can survive the early years of parenthood, your relationship will be stronger for it. However, getting there requires understanding what having a child means for your relationship and being prepared to work at keeping your relationship strong. Below are four of the biggest challenges you’ll face as a new parent and how your relationship can overcome them.

You Start Keeping Score When you have a baby, household duties double at the same time as your energy nosedives. Exhausted and stressed out, it’s tempting to start keeping score on parental contributions and using it as ammo in arguments. However, resentment isn’t healthy for a relationship.

How to Connect: It may feel like your partner is the enemy when they’re sleeping soundly while you’re up for the third nighttime feeding, but the best way to get through these new challenges is as a team. Sometimes, bickering over chores doesn’t mean there’s an imbalance, but rather that both people are desperate for downtime. However, if one parent is carrying the bulk of domestic duties, the best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it.

Couple Time Becomes Family Time Your time together won’t necessarily decrease after parenthood, but most parents are so focused on their child that they forget to pay attention to each other. It’s understandable when you have a baby who relies on you for every need, but in order to keep your relationship alive, you also need to spend time together as a couple.

How to Connect: Carving out couple time is far easier when your baby is on a schedule, so work on creating predictable feeding and sleeping routines as early as possible. That way, you’re both available and present during your time together. In the early days, couple time can be as simple as a quiet chat over a cup of coffee or a movie on the couch while the baby sleeps. As your child grows, get comfortable with hiring a babysitter and getting out of the house. 

Sex Stresses You Out Sex can feel different after childbirth. However, many women aren’t prepared for how they feel differently about sex after having a baby. Bedroom anxiety is common for postpartum women; you may worry about pain, your body, and whether you’ll have the time or desire for sex.

How to Connect: Make time for intimacy once your doctor says it’s safe, but let go of expectations about what that intimacy looks like. Sex can be a lot different emotionally and physically after childbirth. Go at your own pace and maintain open communication to create a sex life that’s satisfying for both of you. Keep a sense of humor and freshen up your sleepwear with a new pair of sexy pajamas or a flirtatious maternity gown.  

You’re Touched Out For some new moms, it’s not just sex. Instead, many women feel like they’re being touched so often that their body isn’t theirs anymore. This is especially common in women who breastfeed, but any new parent can get touched out. 
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How to Connect: La Leche League recommends not shunning touch, but rather, creating time for touch directed toward your needs. Whether that’s in the bedroom or a long hug or massage, having your own physical needs met can remind you why you enjoy closeness with your family.

Of course, it’s also important to recognize your boundaries and communicate when you’re touched out. Many parents find a few minutes or hours alone is enough to decompress.

In order for your relationship to survive parenthood, you need to make it a priority. That’s not easy to do when you’re exhausted, but your relationship is worth working for. If you’re dealing with one of these relationship challenges after the birth of your child and struggling to work it out alone, talk to a counselor for help reclaiming your relationship in parenthood.

Image via Unsplash

Written By: Lacie Martin 
http://raisethemwell.org/